Wednesday, September 8, 2010

rabies infested aliens

This is what it is like to work with teenagers:

Me: Hi! Welcome!
Them: Blurp. Sarcasm. Hi. (a very loaded statement)

Me: This is what we are going to do tonight!
Them: Why are you trying to oppress me? Why do you exist? Did you say something...I was too busy thinking about myself.

Me: Okay, now listen. Here is very important and wonderful information.
Them: How does my hair look? I am going to talk to the person next to me so that my brain doesn't explode. Why aren't I doing what I want instead of this shit?

Me: No, really, listen now.
Them: I have a sudden and overwhelming need to punch, flirt with, or mock the person next to me. I am emotionally incapable of recognizing the thoughts or souls of anyone over the age of 18.

Me: Well, you lost the game. No one listened to the rules.
Them: You suck! Why do you hate me? I hope you die and that this church burns down. Injustice makes my entire world black for the rest of the night.

Me: I need a drink. (not aloud to them)
Them: I am going home to tell my parents and the entire county that you are a horrible minister. I am going to rally friends against you and try to get you fired. Since I didn't win that game, I no longer believe in Jesus. Fuck you.

Me: Fuck you back. I still need a drink.

Tonight was tiring. One rabies infested alien of a teenager made me lose all hope in humanity. I am now going home for a drink. Goodnight world.

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