The sexually repressed intern

Okay. I work in a church. If I have an intern, it is a young person who is filled with the zeal and emotional constipation that comes with divinity school life. My intern is the poster child for socially awkward, sexually repressed, and dellusional Christian leaders. That is not really a problem until today. We began our sexuality classes with teenagers. Here is how one conversation went:

13 year old girl: What is masturbation?

Me: That is when you explore your own body sexually.

Girl: Oh, so it is when you mess with yourself?

Me: Yes!

Girl: Is it wrong? Bad?

Me: No. Actually a lot of Christian leaders agree that it isn't a sin for someone to explore the body that God gave them. God made our bodies for pleasure, so discovering that on your own can't be a sin!

Intern: The problem that it can lead to addiction and impure thoughts.

Girl: So it is wrong?

Me: No. Some people can become addicted and it is a problem if you begin thinking dark thoughts while doing it, but there is nothing sinful about exploring yourself!

Intern: Actually, if people get TOO good at it, they can't enjoy sex with another person. (damn it! shut the fuck up!)

Me: Actually, that isn't true! Especially for women, doing it helps them to enjoy sex more.

Girl: Um, I gotta go. Bye!

What on earth am I going to do? How do you say to a 25 year-old woman that she needs to go through a sexuality class and get cool with Jesus? Someone should have bought her a vibrator when she was 17. It is going to be awkward when I hand out the checklist of what to know before you have sex...at least I don't hand out condoms.

On a whole other note, the dad from Family Ties is now doing movies for Syfy. It makes me sad and happy at the same time. If it weren't for Syfy movies, many untalented actors would go without work. I hope that Mr. Keaton makes it back from 100 Million B.C.