"that girl"

I am now "that girl." I don't know what I want. There is a man fighting to be in a relationship with me. He is putting his heart on the line and pursuing me. The ex wants me back.

Now I don't know what I want. A friend described this situation. She said that you can choose to hurt now or to hurt later. Most people choose later.

One Hand: This is a wonderful guy whom I want to love. He makes me laugh out loud, makes me think, and says things that are so unapologetically affectionate that I don't know how to react. I am very attracted to this man and I love to spend time with him. I want him in my life. I want to witness his life.

The Other Hand: I do not want to be in a relationship right now. I don't want to have sex. I don't want to see someone every day (or even more than once a week). More importantly, I can't see how to fall madly in love with someone who doesn't believe in God. I love the nights that I am home alone, doing my thing. I love the freedom of leaving my house messy and wearing my granny nightgown. He wants to share every part of his life with me, but there is a huge chunk of my life that I can't share with him. Church.

It is as if I found the perfect pair of shoes-ones for which I'd been searching for years- and they are on sale. I may never find them again. Unfortunately, they are half a size too small. It is hard to walk away when they are so close to fitting.

So what now?

We hung out on Saturday. There was hand holding, snuggling, and kissing but it was all in public. I didn't let him in my house because I didn't want to have sex. We will hang out tonight and watch a movie at his house. This is safe because it is not private.

Am I stringing this man along? How do you listen to someone voice their undying affection for you and simply sit there quietly?

Are you frustrated with me yet? I am! I guess that I will wait and see.