The Sabbatical

Late Saturday night after a distraught man left my house and left me single, I began a six month break from men. This is my sabbatical from dating. I will take this time to renew my sense of self and to enjoy being alone with hairy legs and dishes in the sink. How exciting! Really! I love to be alone! Just not forever.

Why a sabbatical? It becomes significantly more difficult to re-invent yourself while you are in a relationship. That other person has a strong desire for you to be the person that they chose. The woman you were when you started dating. It is tricky to decide to become a vegetarian or to dye your hair when a man wants the familiar version of you.

Sabbatical is my time for a tune up. I will look at other versions of myself and consider a change. I will look at my career and future without the worry of loving a man here. I will eat tacos in bed while watching a movie and picking my toenails. My dog will relax again without a man stealing my attention. The sexy version of me, the woman whose sexiness comes from her inner beauty and empowerment, will emerge again. Without sex.

I am empowered and thrilled for this season! Of course, I am aware that after 6 months men will not magically enter my life and buy me dinner. Six months could turn into years. That doesn't change the fact that I must come up for air. My identity will not drown in a sea of endless relationships.

Why am I sharing a pep talk with you? It is because I need to hear it. The sexy Colombian came knocking on my door last night and begged to get me back. I am trying to do the right thing. We are going to the movies on Saturday, but just as friends. Honestly. Really. No more dating. Right?