Dear World...

Fuck you.

Yes, that is the kind of day I had today. Aside from a precious two hours when I led teenagers in games, I really just wanted to tell the world to fuck off.

It started before I left my house. I forced myself awake and drudged into the kitchen to find some simple food that I could take directly back to bed and eat while sitting in the warmth of my covers. Who pissed me off first?

The dog. The lazy dog that will lie in my bed for hours watching me get ready, clean the house, or do work without moving a muscle. This morning she decided to jump out of bed with me, forcing me to walk with her outside in my skimpy nightgown and wait for her to poo.

Fuck you, dog.

It continued on my way to work when I found myself following the only car on earth that takes the same five ass-backward turns that I take to get to the same tiny town from my unpaved street in the middle of nowhere. That car decided to drive 20 miles under the speed limit the entire time.

Fuck you, cheap sedan.

I arrived to the office to listen to the judging tone of our secretary. She has been tired and sick of work lately. That causes her to see me as lazy because of my odd hours and freedom to go home when I feel bad. Of course, she isn't there when I am working until 11pm twice a week. Today, she was particularly passive-aggressive.

Fuck you, secretary who I normally like but who really pissed me off today.

THEN at work, the janitor dropped by my office to complain about a particularly dirty building. Apparently, a group that is totally unrelated to me used the building and left it a big mess. Oh no, now the janitor has to clean. It was somehow my fault.

Fuck you, janitor.

Lastly, my body hates me. I managed to have cramps AND the beginning of a urinary tract infection at the same time. When you add the diuretic effects of the 3 cranberry pills I took to ward off the UTI, I was in pain and en route to the bathroom all day.

Fuck you, body. Why do you have to get a UTI every time I accidentally sneeze on my underwear while going pee? I miss the days when I earned UTI's by excessive masturbation. That was at least fun.

Now I am home, showered, and ready to give a final "Fuck you" to the world today. My hope is that the Tylenol PM kicks in quickly and that tomorrow begins void of my inner angry bitch.