The saddest thing about saying goodbye to the little bald man is that he sat through a sexual misconduct seminar all day today. I spent a week looking forward to today so that I could text him inappropriate things every hour or so. I've been very amused with myself. Here is what he missed out on:
"Yes, choir director. I will help you hit your high note."
"May I lay my hands on you?"
"Oh, we always anoint oil there. It is a holy part of your body."
"I like to pray in tongues. No, you just sit there with your mouth open."
"Boobs"
"I always treat the body of christ this well...very well."
"I wanna get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus."
"You are so troubled. Let me heal you where it really hurts."
"That open slit on the side of my robe isn't for my hands alone, you know."
"You think my stole is long? I'll show you what is long."
"When we are done passing the peace, I have a special piece I'd like to pass to you after church."
"You are worried about going to hell? Why don't I show you a little piece of heaven right here in my robes."
"I like to help you enter a holy place. Nope, keep looking. Keep looking. There."
"I've got something for you to behold right here."
Ah. I crack myself up. The bald man had nothing to do with my awesome dirty jokes...he just missed out on being eternally damned by hearing them.
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