Monday, February 8, 2010

don't get married hungry


I've decided that when I have a daughter, I will buy her two things when she turns 17:

a diamond ring
a vibrator

This is brilliant if you approach young women the same way that you approach going to the grocery store. Never go to the grocery store hungry. If you do, your needs will overtake you and you will make bad decisions. Want to plan for the future and buy quality food that is good for you? Eat before you go.

When I was 17, I really wanted to get married. What I actually wanted was a diamond, sex, and a big party. I saw many friends in college marry the wrong man because they were diamond hungry and very, very horny. They had unmet needs: the need to feel valued and the need for sexual release.

Buying a diamond ring and a vibrator for a 17 year old is like eating a handful of almonds before you go to the grocery store. It isn't the full meal, but it buys you time and satisfies just enough to prevent bad, hasty decisions.

I should write a book. This stuff is fucking genius.

1 comment:

  1. I absolutely agree! Please write a book and share more handful of almonds moments.

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