No! Really?

Today I've decided to take offense at society in general. I turn 33 in two weeks. Apparently 33 is the age that pushes a single woman from being young to being shockingly old for having no family.

Here are three instances that lead to my offense. They all happened in the last 24 hours:

1) I meet a 23 year-old pharmacy student at our college house tonight. I mentioned that I was in my 30's. She looked shocked, as if I said that my right arm was made of wax and chocolate. "NO! Really?...Wow, I wouldn't have guessed that. I would have said you were, like, 27 at most."

Thanks? Being 32 is now something that I need to be comforted over? Those 5 years between 27 and 32 shifted me into a sad, pitied spinster?

2) In a conversation with other college students, we were explaining to someone the new phenomenon of planking. They played this stupid game on "The Office" and now college students take pictures planking everywhere. We decide to get a photo of a girl planking on a chair. I give her tips and tell her where to lay her arms.

Her friend says, "Um, no offense but I was just wondering...now don't take offense to this, but is this something that people did when you were young?"

Me: NO

Her: Then how do you know so much about it?

Me: I watch "The Office" too.

Her: Oooooh.

When I was young? Back in the olden days? Thanks, 21 year-old. Offense taken.



3) My mother. Yes, my mother. The woman who gave birth to me called yesterday:

Her: You have a birthday coming up! In two weeks! What, are you going to be 31?

Me: No, mom. I am turning 33.

Her: Really? Wow. I can't believe that. I guess that I still see you as 27 or 28.

Thanks, mom. Now I know that you will be praying to Jesus about the fact that I will die alone.

I know that 33 is not 21. Yes, at 33 I am a grown woman and I do have limited years to find a husband and have children. Society still sucks. 33 is NOT 40. How did I reach an age that requires strangers and mothers to comfort and pity me? Fuck you, society.