Today my understanding of myself in the world changed forever. It all started when I put on a cute outfit to go to work...and realized that I didn't want to sweat in it tonight while outside with 30 wild teenagers.
I went home and made a hasty change. Jeans, converse, and an old shirt. On my way back to work, I realized that the old shirt looks horrible on me. That is why it was still hanging in the closet. The only obvious solution was to run to the store and buy a cheap replacement shirt (under the guise of running errands for work).
That is a great thing about being 32. I allow myself those awkward moments when I feel like I must change clothes or spend hours tortured with self-loathing. It doesn't happen often.
These events all led to a foolish decision. I bought a belt. A BELT. That you put on your BODY. What???? Fat girls don't wear belts, especially if their fat sits above the waist like a tire around your torso. Belts are the enemy.
Still, I gave the store $20 and went home with a cute shirt and a belt. 4 hours later, I've just tried on half of my wardrobe with...a belt.
How has the world shifted? I. Look. Better. In. A. Belt. The key is to put it on top of a shirt/shirtdress around the fattest part of my stomach. Above or below the tube obviously makes it look worse. Until today, it never occured to me to put a thick band of black elastic around the fattest part of my body.
A strange thing happened. I looked smaller. And younger. All of my outfits are fancier. It doesn't work with everything, but this is a belt! On my plus-sized stomach! It is not a miracle cure for fat. I still look like a fat girl in a belt, but I look like a slightly less fat girl who is much cooler and younger in a belt.
Tomorrow I will wear a belt all day. If it pops off my body or settles into an undiscovered roll of fat in an unflattering way, all will be right with the world. If I look cute all day, I have to accept that everything I know about myself is false.
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