Unfortunately, there are not people under the stairs or a man with a chainsaw. My grown-up monster stays just beyond the next corner, threatening to jump out and take away everything.
You see, this week a friend ended up in the news. This friend is a 75 year-old man who also pastors a neighboring church. He is sweet, caring, and very naive. Ministry is his life. His identity.
He was charged with sexual misconduct with a nursing home patient. A nurse turned him in when she saw him receiving sexual attention from a mentally impaired patient. We were shocked. I am a ridiculously loyal person, so I assumed that a nurse who hates pastors turned him in for giving someone a hug.
Tuesday we find out that he admitted everything to the police. This old pastor and the patient had been kissing and fondling for months now. He sat in the police station and described everything, not asking for a lawyer because he didn't know how much this would blow up. Or where he was. Or what was going on. Or that it was wrong.
The charge? Four accounts of sexual misdeamenor.
He is the new villian in the news. Before they even knew the details, both the TV and newspapers had his distraught mug shot and name posted everywhere. What a great selling story! Another sick sexual predator taking advantage of innocent old ladies under the name of God!
My friend is guilty. It leaves us all speechless as we figure out how to love and support someone who is in their own created hell.
Although I gag at the thought of him touching old lady boobs or someone even KNOWING that he has sexual organs, my friend is not the Boogie Man that I fear. My nightmares come from the police and the news.
You see, his name and his family's name were ruined before anyone even knew details. Any one of us could be accused of sexual misconduct. If one person testifies against us, the police will come to our work, put us in handcuffs, and haul us to an interrogation room for countless hours. They will yell at us, toy with our emotions, and treat us as if we've actually done the horrible crime at hand. Police don't care about emotional damage or our reputations. They are paid to get a confession.
The local news put out a story within hours with my friend's picture on the television. Their first report had all the details wrong, telling a much more violent story. They corrected their details with time, but no one has a huge news story saying "we were wrong." When we read or see about someone "suspected" of a crime, no one remembers the follow-up story clearing their name. It is buried in the 3rd page next to an ad for a car dealership. That could happen to any of us. My face could be on TV with "sexual assault" plastered under it simply because someone accused me.
The police didn't care that this man was in such a diminished mental state himself that he couldn't remember anyone's phone numbers or names. They took advantage of the obvious dementia to get him to talk without a lawyer. We don't know what is wrong with him, but a system of police and news have ripped everything away before his wife can make sense of him kissing another woman.
Now the Boogie Man is back in my imagination, haunting my quiet thoughts. I couldn't sleep last night. Instead, I lay in bed and thought out scenerios. What would happen to me if a church member accused me of a sexual crime? I rarely give kids a hug. Guys get a pat on the shoulder and girls get an arm around their shoulders. I am rarely alone with kids. If so, I keep a distance of at least 5 feet. I do these things without thinking because you cannot be a community leader without living in fear.
What about that college kid who is a pathological liar? We talk about a lot of sexual stuff because she is in her first lesbian relationship! What about the girls who were sexually molested as children? The angry guy who will lie to get revenge over something as small as a ultimate frisbee game? The old lady with dementia?
What about the parents who believe everything that their child says? If a mother believes I told her 14 year-old daughter that she can have an at home abortion by taking 5 birth control pills*....she will definately believe a crime accusation.
Teachers, doctors, counselors, and ministers....we have a Boogie Man. He can come unexpected in the night and take away everything. We are completely defenseless to do anything about it. I just pray as I try to sleep that he is not waiting in the closet now.
*I have never used the word "abortion" around teenagers and never talked about birth control pills with that child. This is a true story and her mother truly believed her.
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