It evened out

Yes, I am back to being a happily single independent woman who does not think about men until October. (mostly) This weekend, I participated in my third wedding. It made me cry, but for the right reasons. You know... the beauty of commitment, my love for the people getting married, and all of that shit. Tears of joy helped me reach a micro-breakthrough in the journey as a single woman.

When I am in the mood to date, I look for a man. This is "a" man as compared to "the" man. Dating is a wonderful way to meet new people, learn new things, go out to new places, and have good stories to tell at dinner parties. Most of the time, dating is a tool for me to being truly living my life.

The problem with dating as a tool is that you have a much higher chance of dating a tool himself. Lower standards and an adventurous attitude means that I have little emotional commitment and little hope of finding a truly great partner in life. Such adventure led me straight to burn-out. It is time to grow up and be a woman in her 30's...to date like someone who wants a husband and children.

At least, this is what I'm thinking for now. It is a lot easier to start thinking about things like life-long commitments when I have the security of another 4 months of guaranteed singlehood. I am safe now....no men coming into my life to see the balance on my credit card or making me keep my bathroom clean. We will see how I feel in October.

Another breakthrough in my life:

I allowed myself to be a neglectful bitch to the ex-boyfriend. We are doing that "still friends" thing but he is way more into it than me. Last Friday, he had an elective surgery on his nose. He mentioned needing a ride and I said, "Let me know what time- I might be able to get you home." Well, on Thursday he called to say that surgery was at 6am. We need to leave at 4:30am. I said "NO." He tried guilt. I still said "NO."

You see, a girlfriend gets up at 4:30am to take the man she loves to the hospital. She is in love and willing to make the sacrifice of sleep even though she will not sleep again for two days (lock-in at the church). I am not in love. The man has a father who lives with him. He simply didn't want his father to take him. He wanted me. I said "no" and left him in a perceived (dad was still there) pinch the night before his surgery. We haven't spoken since (yay!).