oh HELL no

Yesterday was a wake-up call for me. No, not a wake-up call. Those are always life inspiring events that cause someone to make big changes and everything turns out wonderfully. Let’s start again.

Yesterday, a stranger reached through the phone and did the emotional equivalent of shoving an ice pick through my eye. Yes, that feels better.

I am now crushed, embarrassed, depressed, and irrevocably pissed off. I have entered a long-term war with Blue Cross Blue Shield. I should probably include Cigna, but they were late with the ice pick and the damage had already been done. Yes, it is Blue Cross Blue Shield who is now the enemy. I want to fuck them up enough to wage war with my entire life.

Dramatic much? No. I am a 33 year-old woman who was denied health insurance.

Let’s back track. I already have health insurance. Really good insurance, including dental. The problem is that said insurance is with a group of ministers who are aging by the day. This makes my premium ridiculously expensive.

The church gave us a 2% raise, the first raise in years. Woo-hoo! Oh wait, this is the church. There must be a screwing over coming soon... Since we received this very generous raise, they quit covering any raises in insurance rates. The result? I now bring home LESS money this year because I am now paying for every rate hike that plagues our great nation.

This led me to call BCBS. Since I now get to pocket any money that I save on insurance, it was time for me to find a cheap plan with a high deductible for hospital visits. A woman who visits the family clinic maybe once a year for a cold or flu does NOT need a $250 deductible for a hospital stay.

I am young and healthy. Every test that a doctor can run by poking, prodding, and draining me always comes out perfectly.

Except that I am NOT young and healthy. I am 33 and fat. I take anti-depressants and birth control. After much pressing, the very kind insurance agent explained that until I either quit anti-depressants (not an option) or lose 50 lbs, I can’t find new health insurance. I am allowed to be fat. Or depressed. The combination makes me a liability.

Now we get to the “oh HELL no” portion of my life. Fuck that. This is going to change. I know I can save $200/month by losing weight. I am now at war with the world. And myself.

I will not die fat and alone simply because God tells me that I have to be alone. I will die less fat from something awesome like contracting a rare disease while traveling the world or a parachuting malfunction or being shot while saving a baby from a gang war in Guatemala.

BCBS will come to hate me. I will now lose weight, get their cheap coverage, and then proceed to find as many dangerous and awesome activities as possible.

The war begins. Right after I lose 50 lbs.