Letting Go of Dreams, Part 2

The problem is that God never promised us our dreams. God never promised to be faithful in keeping us happy and making our lives go the way we want.

I began to give up the dreams of a husband and children with the thought in the back of my head that God has a huge other blessing that will replace them. Maybe God is even testing me to see if I will give up my desires right before the man of my dreams walks into my life.

That is not how God works. I give up my dream and keep following God. God doesn’t have to reward me for doing what I am supposed to do.

My parents had their dreams snatched away by a broken world. By laying aside their own plans and caring for a broken daughter, they are doing what God has called them to do. God doesn’t have to reward them for doing what they are supposed to do either.

God and I are talking now. I realize that I am not helpless in this journey. I keep choosing to listen for God’s voice and try to follow. I chose this life of ministry. I am a happy single person 80% of the time. I am the one who holds onto every cautionary tale of marriage and loss to keep me from marrying someone for the sake of getting married.

Now my prayers: God, help me to live again. Teach me what life looks like without a family. You suck (still not completely over it). Help me find contentment and purpose again.

I have to lay aside big, life-long dreams and begin accepting my life for what it is. It turns out that planning a future without the worry of a family that would hault some opportunities, solve some problems that I don't want to solve, and motivate me to be a better, more generous woman with a cleaner house and a kitchen full of home-cooked food... where was I? Oh yeah, it turns out that planning a future without all that has blown my brain.

I am having to learn how to dream all over again.