trapped squirrel

SO. Scott, the ex-boyfriend is back at church. This means that I no longer have the ability to avoid seeing him. After two years of absence and a marriage to the woman that he was cheating on me with, he just waltzed back into my world and acted like nothing ever happened.

To put it lightly, it has been awkward. The entire church knows about him treating me like shit. They witnessed his bad behavior as he publicly dated his ex-wife within weeks of dumping me out of the blue. They read his passive-aggressive Facebook posts trying to talk shit about me....even though he dumped me.

Now he is there every Sunday and Wednesday chatting it up with a small crowd of uncomfortable people. Last week, I made peace with this and decided that I'd just say "hi" and ignore him. I've had two years to heal, love other people, forgive, and move on. That doesn't make it less awkward, but it helps me be less angry when I see him forcing his way back into my world.

Last night he asked me out. He timed his exit from church (after I'd already held youth late, hung out outside, hid in the kitchen, and made a run for it just to avoid him) so that he'd walk out with me.

Him: Bye
Me: Bye

Him: Hey, listen. I didn't know if you'd like to get some coffee and talk. Nothing big or meaningful, just coffee and talking. But I'll leave that up to you. I just wanted to sit down and have coffee sometime. But I'll totally leave that up to you.

My first thought? Gee, thanks for leaving it up to me. How generous and super-nice-guy of you to LET me decide if I want to spend time with you.

I wish I'd had the presence of mind to say "no thank you."

Instead I just froze. One foot in the car, one foot on the ground. My butt hovering in the air mid-sit. I clung to the car door and froze. I think I mumbled "oh, okay" and then got in the car as quickly as possible.

There is no concluding thought about this episode from my life. No insight, no wisdom, no venting. This is my present state of misery.