The No Good, Very Bad Day

I was due for a bad day.  I had a wonderful week last week.  I finished a personal art project, discovered the wonders of taking bubble baths in the guest bathroom, and went to an AMAZING concert.  What ended a fun week such as that?  Fall arrived!  Our high today was 80 degrees.  I sat on a porch with friends last night singing, drinking, and actually getting chilled in the night air.

I should have known.  Today is Monday.  Where there is an up swing, there must also be a down swing.

Grant it, no one is dying or gravely ill.  I haven't lost my job or home.  I even opened a package of jeans in the mail that fit me perfectly.

I was stupid, though, and went into work.  More stupidly, I sat down in my boss's office and talked about the state of the church.  All that I have lost in the last 6 months hit once again.

Tonight, the deacons are meeting to talk about a time of transition.  The pastor is retiring and there are a lot of steps to take and committees to form. Naturally, the only other full time minister should be part of the transition process.  Someone needs to be a communication hub, right?  Wrong.  Not as long as that full-time minister is me:

-I am not welcomed at the deacons meeting.
-I am no longer invited to lead any adult bible study or event.
-Without discussion, I am no longer being offered the new title of "Associate Pastor" despite it being a unanimous vote last spring.
-People are now spreading the rumor that I am a lesbian (although this one to me is just funny).
-In the pastor's words:  "They will be okay with you doing what you've been doing (youth and college-out of sight, out of mind), but they won't want your spiritual leadership in any of this."
-My preaching opportunities have been cut in half this year.
-The pastor is now pushing for our church to be moderate and he is supporting the notion that the next pastor and the person who replaces me when I leave will be much more conservative than us.
-When I brought up ideas for worship given to me by liberal friends, I was immediately shot down.  The pastor made a face of disdain for their "presumptive attitudes."
-I realized that, although there has been no vote, my lesbian friends will never be offered a position of leadership in the church.  They are associate members by default although the church does not have associate membership.
-I can't talk to the pastor about anything past, present, or future that upsets me.  His good opinion of me is rocky at best and I depend on his recommendation for any future jobs.  

I am being fired in the tradition of moderate baptists:  They will not ask you to go, but will keep you from doing any effective ministry.  They will shut me out until I leave on my own.

After a perfectly lovely weekend, I now feel defeated.  And foolish.  The feeling will pass, but today is a horrible, no good, very bad day.